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Replace "I'm sorry" with "I love you"

After the complex disinfection process, Shen Fangyu and Dr. Albert stood in front of Mr. Baker’s bed.

Mr. Baker, who was in a deep sleep, had beautiful golden hair and a face that didn’t look like that of a businessman, but rather that of an artist.

However, now his body was filled with various tubes and instruments of all sizes occupied the ICU room, making Mr. Baker, who was surrounded by them, appear frail and small, like a broken vase.

Seeing some records from cold documents and witnessing a failed operation on the screen felt different.

Now, this patient whose surgery had failed was lying in front of Shen Fangyu, his life hanging in the balance.

Shen Fangyu inexplicably felt his hands and feet grow cold.

Mr. Baker’s skin was very pale, just like Jiang Xu’s.

The visual impact was terrifying, and for a moment, Shen Fangyu saw a flash of an image of Jiang Xu lying in the ICU.

Dr. Albert partially lifted the patient’s blanket without hesitation, and detailed the means of keeping the patient alive to Shen Fangyu.

Mr. Baker’s abdomen was still not fully recovered to its original state, with stretched skin and muscles due to pregnancy, the incision and sutures still clearly visible, and a small hole on the side of the abdomen with yellow drainage fluid collected in a transparent plastic bag.

This was not the first time Dr. Shen Fangyu had seen a patient in this condition. He had performed numerous surgeries of various sizes, inserted countless drainage tubes, and sutured countless incisions, as well as calmly cut open the abdomens and uteruses of countless patients.

But this was the first time Dr. Shen Fangyu felt fear because of a patient’s body.

Because of Jiang Xu.

He silently watched Dr. Albert’s operations on the side, his mind buzzing until Dr. Albert patted his shoulder, snapping him out of his reverie.

“Didn’t you hear what I said just now?” Dr. Albert asked him.

Dr.. Shen Fangyu looked unfocused and asked, “What did you say?”

Dr. Albert sighed, impatiently repeated, “I asked when you’re planning to return to your home country. If you need to stay here for a few more days, you can stay at my place, but I may not be able to entertain you every day.”

“I want to… sit down for a while, is that okay?” Dr. Shen Fangyu found his legs weak and having trouble walking. “I still have work to do, I’ll go back to my home country by myself later, you don’t need to bother.”

“Okay then,” Dr. Albert shrugged, glanced at the two bodyguards standing outside, “I’ll leave first. I need to continue researching how to revive this poor man.”

As he turned around, he patted Dr. Shen Fangyu on the back and said, “Remember what I warned you. You’re an excellent doctor with a bright future. There’s no need to ruin your life like I did over one surgery.”

Dr. Shen Fangyu lowered his eyes. “But he’s someone very important to me.”

“Then you should not have taken the case,” Dr. Albert looked through the glass at Mr. Baker in the ICU, then at the woman outside the room, lowering his voice. “Unless you can accept sending him in the ICU with your own hands.”

After saying that, he shrugged and walked away.

Dr.. Shen Fangyu stood in place, lost in thought for a long time. Finally, he leaned against the wall, pale-faced, and sat down on the chair outside the ICU.

At the other end of the chair, the elegant lady who had just spoken to him cautiously called out to him.

“Sir,” she asked, “Can I talk to you?”

Dr.. Shen Fangyu was not in the mood for conversation at the moment, but he couldn’t bear to refuse the sincere tone of the woman.

He released his hand from his forehead and looked up. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I am Mr. Baker’s wife, you can call me Daisy.” The lady introduced herself.

Hearing her words, Shen Fangyu’s eyelashes trembled lightly.

When Dr. Albert mentioned Mr. Baker’s persistent desire for pregnancy, Shen Fangyu had previously assumed that Mr. Baker was either a bachelor or part of the gay community.

So even though Mrs. Daisy had been lingering outside Mr. Baker’s ward, he subconsciously thought she was Mr. Baker’s assistant or sister.

Unexpectedly, she turned out to be his wife.

“I wanted to ask if you were Mr. Dr. Albert’s assistant,” Mrs. Daisy asked tentatively with some unease. “You just checked on my husband’s condition, can he… still wake up?”

Shen Fangyu was familiar with Mrs. Daisy’s expression.

Even though their nationalities, appearances, and skin colors were different, the expressions of all patients’ family members, including his own, were the same in situations like this.

Such an expression really made one want to comfort them and say, “He will definitely get better.”

But anyone can say such words, except for doctors.

Because doctors have to be responsible for every judgment they make.

So in the end, Shen Fangyu could only say to her, “I’m sorry, I can’t give you any guarantees, and I’m just a doctor who came to consult Dr. Albert.”

Perhaps because she had heard these words too many times, Mrs. Daisy’s eyes didn’t show too much disappointment when Shen Fangyu spoke.

“It’s okay,” she smiled calmly, “Thank you for your time.”

Shen Fangyu also courteously said to her, “No problem.”

The two of them sat silently on opposite sides of the chair, the single-patient ICU room was very quiet and except for the occasional footsteps of medical staff, there were hardly any other sounds.

Perhaps due to not having communicated with anyone for a long time, feeling emotionally suppressed, and thinking that she should give Shen Fangyu some advice, Mrs. Daisy spoke after about half an hour, breaking the silence.

“Dr. Albert’s surgery failed, but before that, Professor Kenn from M country had successfully completed a similar surgery. I think you can seek advice from him.”

“I know,” Shen Fangyu said.

There was a hint of confusion in Mrs. Daisy’s eyes, as if she didn’t understand why he was going to such lengths.

“I’ve already researched everything about Dr. Kenn’s case that I could study. As for learning from him personally,” Shen Fangyu shook his head, “Professor Kenn doesn’t seem to like that kind of disturbance.”

“But Dr. Albert’s experience is also important,” Shen Fangyu explained, “because there are too few relevant cases, and each case is precious.”

“If there are a hundred possible reasons for failure in this surgery that I might overlook, then the more I know, the higher my chances of success, even if it’s just going from one percent to ninety-nine percent. It’s worth it for me.”

After listening, Mrs. Daisy remained silent for a while, and then she sighed softly.

“I wish I were Dr. Kenn, or you, or any licensed doctor, so that I could at least try to help my husband like you do, instead of sitting here waiting in vain.”

Shen Fangyu was silent for a moment, and then he said to Mrs. Daisy, “My patient is also my loved one.”

“A man?”

“A man.”

Mrs. Daisy was clearly surprised on recieving an affirmative answer. Her expression suddenly became complicated, and her deep blue eyes were filled with indescribable emotions.

After a while, she suddenly flipped out a photo from her phone and handed it to Shen Fangyu. “Look, this is my child.”

The baby in the swaddle had a wrinkled face, but still looked adorable.

“He’s very healthy,” Shen Fangyu said.

Mrs. Daisy smiled faintly and nodded. Perhaps only when she looked at this child, her smile would be a little more genuine.

She took back her phone and looked through the glass at her husband in the ICU, adding to Shen Fangyu, “This is my husband, and he bore this child for me.”

Even though Shen Fangyu had guessed it to some extent, he was still stunned when it was confirmed.

When one is at their wit’s end and happens to meet someone who shares the same fate, the desire to confide becomes particularly strong. Mrs. Daisy finally expressed the pent-up worries in her heart to this sympathetic stranger, Shen Fangyu.

“I have always wanted a child, but I never got pregnant even after several years of marriage,” Mrs. Daisy said. “Until five years ago, I was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and had to have my uterus removed.”

“At that time, I was very disheartened. My husband comforted me, saying that we could still be happy without a child. So I gradually gave up the desire to have a child, but occasionally couldn’t help but envy other people with children and sometimes complained to him about God’s unfairness.”

“Until one day, my husband suddenly had symptoms of rectal bleeding. We were very scared and thought he also had cancer, but after the doctor examined him, he told us that it was menstrual blood.”

Her voice was low and mournful, recounting the origin of the tragedy. “The doctor said that my husband had a suddenly developed uterus inside his body.”

“Later, he found Dr. Albert, and then he told me that we could have a child through assisted reproductive technology.”

She paused: “….Inside his body.”

“Then he got pregnant, and we were both very happy, looking forward to the arrival of this child like an ordinary couple, blissful and contented.”

“But he never told me that this surgery had such a high risk.”

Mrs. Daisy looked regretful and distressed.

“He doesn’t understand that the reason why I wanted a child with him was simply because I love him very much. Because of him, I wanted to have a child with a blend of his and my genes. If he could be well without a child, I would still be very happy.”

“If I had known the risks of this surgery were so high, I would never have agreed to let him take the risk of getting pregnant.”

“He is a businessman, and he should understand risk assessment better than anyone else.”

Mrs. Daisy looked at the photo of her child on her phone, her eyes filled with sadness. “You know?” she said. “Everyone who has seen my husband lying here says he’s crazy.”

In that moment, Shen Fangyu looked at Mrs. Daisy and suddenly understood the hidden meaning behind Dr. Albert’s deliberately lowered voice and pointed words.

—-“Unless you are willing to personally send him in the ICU.”

The guilt of going against her own wishes and hurting her loved one overwhelmed Mrs. Daisy.

It could also overwhelm him.

When leaving the hospital where Mr. Baker was, Shen Fangyu gave all the tissues he had on him to Mrs. Daisy. But her long-suppressed tears still couldn’t be stopped, so he made her a cup of saltwater to prevent her from experiencing an electrolyte imbalance.

After leaving the hospital, Shen Fangyu canceled the short-term rental of the house in Country S, wrote an email to Dr. Albert to thank him for his help and advice.

Finally, he walked along the snow-covered path of the suburban villa step by step, and went towards the taxi pick-up point.

The snow was too thick and too deep, making a crunching sound when stepped on. After his boots were soaked through, the cold crept up his feet. The air seemed to still carry the crisp and chilly scent of snowflakes. When Shen Fangyu closed his eyes, he would think of Mrs. Daisy’s deep blue eyes like gems.

Stained with indescribable sorrow.

Jiang Xu was preparing to listen to a progress report on an experiment from one of his students when he received a call from Shen Fangyu.

Due to numerous influencing factors, the reproducibility of biological experiments was unbearable to go through. This student had done the same experiment for two months, but even the data from the control group had not stabilized, which made Jiang Xu so angry that he dragged the person to his office, intending to have a serious talk with him.

Seeing the incoming call, he stood up and gestured to the student. “Check your PPT again and then present in English without looking at your notes.”

After finishing, he walked out of the office and answered Shen Fangyu’s call.

“Hello?”

“Jiang Xu…”

For some reason, the voice on the other end sounded distant, as if in the wilderness, making Jiang Xu feel cold for no reason, as if in the snow.

“What’s wrong?” He felt that Shen Fangyu was a little strange.

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a long time, and then Shen Fangyu sniffed and whispered to him, “I’m sorry, Jiang Xu… I’m sorry.”

Jiang Xu’s eyelids twitched suddenly.

He looked down from the tall building of Jihua and saw the busy patients in the hospital, some pushing wheelchairs, some holding crutches, and others covered tightly with white sheets with only their heads exposed, not knowing where they would be transferred to.

He didn’t know what Shen Fangyu was upset about, but he knew what Shen Fangyu was saying, and he guessed what had happened over there.

There seemed to be an unspoken understanding between him and Shen Fangyu. When he was weak, Shen Fangyu would become strong, and when Shen Fangyu was weak, it was his turn to be strong.

Jiang Xu’s hand holding the phone trembled lightly, he took a deep breath silently and used his other hand to press down its trembling.

“If it wasn’t for that night, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, and I would still be facing the fact that I have grown a uterus and a life-threatening uterine removal surgery in a few months, which wouldn’t be any better than the current situation.”

“This fact has nothing to do with you, and there’s no way to change it. Moreover,” he pursed his lips and said calmly to Shen Fangyu, “You’ve already apologized to me for that night, repeatedly apologizing for something that happened months ago would make me doubt your memory.”

“I don’t want to hear ‘I’m sorry’ from your mouth anymore,” he lightly rubbed his phone with his finger, paused for a moment, and said to the other party, “If you must say it… then replace ‘I’m sorry’ with ‘I love you’.”

After speaking, he hung up the phone and walked back to his office, picking up the cup of tea on the table.

The temperature of the hot water warmed his fingertips, slowly calming the trembling of his fingers.

When he looked up, the student who was going to report had just finished making the PPT and was looking at him nervously.

Jiang Xu nodded at him, indicating that he could start.

His English was still a bit awkward, and he was sweating on his forehead when he was halfway through, but the experimental data he put on the PPT clearly showed that his experiment was successful, and was finally showing consistent results.

Jiang Xu was obviously surprised. “When did you do this?”

The student hesitated, and cautiously said, “Just… a few days ago. I followed your instructions and reviewed my previous experimental records several times, looked for possible influencing factors, and repeated the experiment several times before I finally succeeded in repeating it.”

Jiang Xu looked at the student in silence for a long time until the student was feeling uneasy from being stared at. Jiang Xu suddenly took out his phone and took a picture of his experimental results.

“Do you mind if I share your success with a very stupid student?” he asked.

The student, who had always been treated as a negative example, hesitated, “I, I don’t mind.”

Jiang Xu lowered his head and sent the picture to Shen Fangyu, “A month ago, my second-year master’s student cried as he told me about this experiment, saying he couldn’t get the results again and begged me to let him give up this subject…”

“…But now he has succeeded.”

He typed with one hand, his fingers flying as he left a rhetorical question for this “stupid student”: “Does Professor Shen want to cry too?”

Comment

  1. ルナ says:

    I love how diversified this story is. So much representation, different circumstances and different forms of love. Issues are tackled with so much depth.

  2. tama_ochi says:

    i still think that maybe the organs didn’t have to be removed. they said it’s a life threatening operation. and if the organs can be kept, while the patient can also live an ordinary life after the baby is born, then why don’t just leave them.
    did i miss something that mentioned that the organs is dangerous to stay in a man’s body?

    i hope mr. baker will wake up soon. he is a good husband.

    1. skysenshi says:

      I think it’s because it’s dangerous for him to get pregnant again, and the possibility is high as long as those organs exist. Weirdly enough, they’re even dangerous for women, who are born to have those organs. For instance, in my case, I’ve had severe endometriosis and myomas (discovered when I was in my 30s, I’m in my late 40s now). Two opinions varied: one wanted to take out my uterus, the other wanted to save it so she put me on meds and injections. Apparently, endometriosis is very common, and is one of the causes of infertility in women, and can raise chances of getting ovarian and endometrial cancers. 😬

  3. Torro says:

    i am so gonna cry rn

  4. yeriyeaaaa says:

    mr. baker is such a good husband. i cant even fathom how he willingly chose to bear a child for his wife. i know that if other men had that choice, they would never would have done that when it would question their manhood.

  5. yammyMochi says:

    I hope Mr. Baker survives. also, i’m so happy to see representation for surrogacy.

  6. Yuki says:

    Oh my god😭😭

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