Pleasing Fu Sang was not an easy thing.
Either make him feel pain, or give him a kiss.
Qi Changying naturally could not hurt him.
So, after receiving the task, he did not hesitate for long before standing up, approaching Fu Sang, holding his face, and kissing him.
Qi Changying noticed that when he pressed against the warm, soft lips, Fu Sang’s breathing seemed to tremble slightly for an instant.
So, he sighed softly in his heart, closed his eyes, and kissed more deeply.
Fu Sang let Qi Changying kiss him, his own eyes slightly lowered, the pair of eyes hidden beneath his long eyelashes, while the flicker of light in their depths became even clearer and more distinct.
This kiss did not manage to arouse much interest in him.
…It was uncomfortable.
Really uncomfortable.
The wound in his shoulder hurt terribly, and Qi Changying’s kiss was cold and gentle. The two things most capable of stimulating Fu Sang’s senses were piled together, yet he still could not feel even the slightest bit of ease or happiness.
Perhaps the heart failure and internal bleeding caused by the backlash from the spell had not completely healed yet. At this moment, he only felt as if everything inside his body had been twisted together, making it impossible for him to breathe freely.
The only way Fu Sang could think of to end this strange and painful experience was death.
Whether he died or Qi Changying died, in any case, only one of them could remain alive in this room to truly break the deadlock.
But he could not bring himself to kill Qi Changying. Even though subjectively, he really wanted Qi Changying to disappear, and he despised the inexplicable mercy that had emerged from who-knew-where before he acted, once he raised the long nail, he simply could not bring it down. Instinct was stopping him.
But when he chose to kill himself, Qi Changying insisted on stopping him, fighting desperately to prevent it.
Thus, they could only maintain the current situation and continue to torment each other.
“Is this how you please me?”
Fu Sang was very close when he spoke. Even though he made hardly any sound, it was enough for Qi Changying to hear every word clearly.
He gripped the chain around Qi Changying’s neck tightly.
Only this way could he have some sense that he was controlling the other party, and be certain that at this moment, this ghost was truly in his hands.
He was his only master.
“I only know this.”
Qi Changying leaned closer and gently touched the corner of his lips.
“Do you feel a little better?”
Fu Sang subconsciously turned his head away slightly and blinked very lightly.
There was an almost imperceptible redness around his eyes.
This ghost, Qi Changying, should have remained blind, deaf, and mute forever, just being an attachment with no ability to survive independently, completely relying on him to live. That would have been enough.
Otherwise, the moment he opened his mouth, this ghost could only say things that made him angry and displeased him.
The gentler he was, the more Fu Sang hated him.
Fu Sang gritted his teeth and fiercely kissed him again.
It was unknown how long the human and ghost were entangled and kissing in the room. Fu Sang was straddling Qi Changying, the chain wrapped twice around his hand and gripped tightly. What should have been an intimate kiss had instead become a fierce punishment in his hands. He wished he could tear Qi Changying apart bite by bite just like this, dismantling and swallowing the entire ghost into his stomach.
Yet Qi Changying accepted everything submissively. No matter how vicious Fu Sang was, he only complied gently and obediently. A pair of slightly cool hands wrapped around his waist. Fu Sang was going mad, while Qi Changying slowly stroked his back again and again, as if soothing a restless little beast and persuading an unruly child.
This really made Fu Sang feel as if he had achieved nothing.
His mood did not improve at all. Instead, the thing blocked inside his heart only swelled larger and larger, crashing around without knowing where it should go.
“…Fu Sang.”
When Fu Sang finally calmed down and leaned against him, Qi Changying wrapped one arm around his waist and gently stroked the back of his head with the other, calling his name softly.
He probably wanted to say something. Fu Sang knew without listening that it was nothing more than asking whether he was better and trying to persuade and comfort him, things that would make him angry the moment he heard them.
Fu Sang did not want to listen.
So before he could speak, he interrupted him coldly.
“Do you hate me?”
Qi Changying froze slightly, and the words that had not yet been spoken also stopped between his teeth.
He did not know why Fu Sang was asking him this.
“Which is more painful and torturous, staying by my side or staying in the Seven Watch Blood Crying Prison? Commander, can you choose?”
Fu Sang straightened slightly and raised a hand to grip Qi Changying’s chin.
He lowered his eyes and carefully looked at Qi Changying’s features and brows. He did not think about anything. He only wanted to violently shatter this peace and make this face become stained with more intense and extreme emotions.
He gritted his teeth and spoke almost mechanically.
“…What an awe-inspiring and legendary person you were. When you were alive, you led an army of a hundred thousand and broke through several cities of Chaosu one after another. After you died, you became a ghost and even had to open a separate rank to become a one-of-a-kind seventh-rank Crimson Evil. And then? I picked you up, locked you by my side as a pet that could be called and ordered about at will, scolded and beaten whenever, humiliated and tied by the neck like a dog, and you even had to put aside your dignity to please and amuse your master… You hate me to death, right? And yet, even while hating me, you still have to kiss me and go along with me. Doesn’t that make you hate me even more?”
Fu Sang smiled coldly, the malice in his smile and words so thick it was almost overflowing.
Qi Changying actually did not quite understand why Fu Sang had always been determined to anger him and hurt him with his words.
Ever since he had recovered his four senses, Fu Sang had been like this, locking him away and refusing to see him. Now that he was finally willing to see him, he kept pushing him away and hurting his feelings with unpleasant words.
Qi Changying had a good temper, and he could always understand other people’s temperaments and feelings. He knew that many things Fu Sang said were not what he truly meant, so he was often gentle and tolerant.
But he was not really a piece of cotton that did not know injury or pain at all.
Some words, after hearing them too many times, would hurt and make him tired too.
Fu Sang was like nettles growing wildly in the wilderness. If one wanted to embrace him, one had to pay the price of excruciating pain.
Qi Changying could silently digest those wounds, but when the speed at which he was being wounded became faster than the speed at which he could heal, when faced with pain that could never get better and instead only became more numerous and deeper, turning around and leaving was also human nature.
“…I don’t hate you.”
Qi Changying remained silent for a long time.
In the end, however, he closed his eyes, sighed, and took the initiative to embrace Fu Sang.
“I told you, it was my choice, and I was willing to do it… Don’t do this anymore, Fu Sang. Saying things like this will only make both of us uncomfortable. Whether I kiss you or go along with you, neither is forced. It is all because I am willing.”
“…Fu Sang, during these days when you locked me up, I thought about many things and found a new possibility. I know you’re in a bad emotional state right now, and hearing these words may not make you happy, but I still want to tell you. Actually, I…”
Qi Changying’s voice suddenly stopped.
As their bodies drew closer, Qi Changying seemed to sense something and froze slightly.
“What? You felt it?”
Fu Sang’s voice was a little hoarse.
Qi Changying seemed somewhat astonished by this, so Fu Sang suddenly became gentle. He touched the side of Qi Changying’s neck and whispered this secret into his ear.
“I’m aroused.”
“…”
“Actually, kissing isn’t the only way to please me. Do you want me to teach you?”
As he spoke, without waiting for Qi Changying to respond, Fu Sang knelt up in front of him and gently tugged, undoing the simple knot at his waistband.
“Didn’t you want me to feel better? Come, this way I’ll feel better. Try it?”
Fu Sang touched Qi Changying’s neck to his cheek. Seeing the bewilderment and fleeting pain in Qi Changying’s expression, his own heart tightened for a moment.
The feeling in that second made it almost impossible for him to breathe, but it also felt like he had finally seized his enemy’s weakness, so he smiled.
“What? Didn’t expect I could be this lewd and shameless?”
“…”
Qi Changying frowned very lightly, turned his gaze away, pressed his lips together, and struggled for a long time before saying:
“…Fu Sang.”
“Mm?”
“Can you tell me the truth?”
“What?”
“Are you… doing this because you want to do this with me, or is this just a new… way you came up with to… humiliate me?”
That word was simply too sharp that Qi Changying took a long time before he could say it.
Fu Sang seemed to have been pressed into pause.
He maintained that posture and expression. After a moment, he finally, almost instinctively, curled his lips slightly.
“…What are you questioning? Haven’t I made it obvious enough?”
“…”
“Of course it’s because I love you and want to sleep with you. I’ve liked you for a long time. Let’s date… Don’t make me laugh, Qi Changying. Of course I’m humiliating you. What else? You wouldn’t think I’d really get sexually aroused by a ghost, would you? It’s just that kissing got me worked up, I was too lazy to take care of it myself, and you were the only one beside me, so on a whim, I thought I’d try accepting a ghost’s service. It’s quite fresh, so I did it. Is that so hard to understand?”
A look of pain flashed in Qi Changying’s eyes.
He lowered his head. After a moment, he said nothing and raised his hand as if compromising.
But Fu Sang gently slapped his hand away.
“Don’t use your hand.”
Fu Sang rubbed his thumb against Qi Changying’s lips, then used his fingertip to part his teeth and search for his slightly cool tongue.
“I like using this.”
Perhaps unable to bear it any longer, Qi Changying turned his head away and pulled free of Fu Sang’s hand.
“What, you feel humiliated? You can feel humiliated too?”
Fu Sang was already in so much pain that he had become somewhat numb, yet hidden within the congestion that was almost tearing him apart was also a trace of secret pleasure.
“Then it’s right that you feel humiliated. Aren’t you a great saint? Aren’t you the kind of person who won’t get angry or annoyed no matter how people treat you? Come on, then. Continue spreading your light and warmth, and do some good for me too, hm?”
Fu Sang lowered his eyes to look at Qi Changying, but Qi Changying kept his head lowered, so he could not clearly see his expression.
Until something lightly fell. Fu Sang reacted quickly and reached out to catch it, feeling a slight coolness in his palm.
A drop of something like ink fell into his pale palm.
It was Qi Changying’s tear.
“…You can’t treat me like this, Fu Sang.”
Qi Changying’s voice was very low, as if he was truly heartbroken, and every word was broken.
“How am I treating you?”
Fu Sang curled his fingers, keeping that drop of coolness in his hand.
“You were the one who told me to do whatever I wanted with you. What? You can’t take it now? You’re my ghost. How I treat you is not up to you. I’m the one who decides.”
“If you keep doing this… I… then I will…”
Qi Changying looked up at him, his brows slightly furrowed, his face still marked by traces of tears.
More dense ink gathered in his eyes. When he blinked lightly, the dense ink dispersed with it, blending together with his pale complexion and the blood-red rune on his face.
His voice was almost inaudible, but Fu Sang still heard him clearly.
He was saying:
“…then… no one will dare to love you anymore.”
Something exploded in Fu Sang’s mind.
Fu Sang clenched his fingers tightly, his knuckles turning white, his entire hand trembling slightly.
“…I don’t need it.”
He forced those four words out through his teeth.
Then, as if he had confirmed something, he suddenly reacted violently and yanked hard on the chain around Qi Changying’s neck.
“I don’t need it… I don’t need it!!”
Love was an incomparably distant word to Fu Sang.
There was no such word in his dictionary.
He had always sneered at this kind of abstract and ethereal emotion.
Only weak, low-level lives would use love to comfort themselves, huddle together for warmth, and lick each other’s wounds.
He did not need this kind of thing.
He did not need anyone to love him.
To him, that was looking down on him, a kind of pity.
“Stop saying this disgusting stuff. This isn’t something you should care about either. If you still have the ability to do so, remember not to develop any feelings for me. I don’t need this garbage.”
Fu Sang heavily rubbed the tears from Qi Changying’s face with his fingertip.
“You only need to hate me. That’s enough.”
Fu Sang wanted nothing anymore.
He only wanted hatred.
This was the best way he could think of to deal with Qi Changying.
He wanted Qi Changying to hate him, to use all his strength to hate him, to hate him to the bone, to hate him so much that even in death he would gnaw his bones to pieces and take him along with him.
If there was a reason for Qi Changying’s gentleness and obedience toward him that came from Su Li, then he did not want it anymore. He wanted to use everything more intense to cover it all up.
He wanted Qi Changying to feel disgust and hatred whenever he saw this face of his from then on, to turn that instinct of calling out “Ah Li” into “Fu Sang,” so that in the future, whenever he saw any person or thing that had even the slightest similarity to him, it would reflexively stir up a raging storm deep within his heart called hatred, making himself become a blood-red shadow that could never be driven away from his heart.
That way, this person would belong completely to him.
If he could not obtain all of his softness, then all of his sharp hatred would reluctantly do.
His eyes hurt terribly.
Fu Sang closed his eyes and waited for the needle-pricking pain to ease, without realizing that the redness at the corners of his eyes had become increasingly obvious.
“…”
After a long time, he heard a very soft laugh, the laughter was filled with self-mockery.
“If this is what you want.”
Qi Changying’s tone had become much calmer.
As he spoke, he wrapped his arms around Fu Sang’s waist, raised his head to kiss his neck, and reached his other hand into the loose hem of his clothes, moving down along the hollow of his spine.
Fu Sang half-closed his eyes and he subconsciously raised his hand, wanting to embrace him, but the movement stopped in midair. He then curled his fingers and slowly lowered his hand.
This was what he wanted.
He emphasized it to himself in his heart as he answered Qi Changying’s question.
This was what he wanted.
“Click!”
The sound of the plastic lighter rang several times before a flame finally appeared, licking at the tobacco bit by bit and making it emit a faint light.
Fu Sang sat on the edge of the bed, a cigarette between his teeth. One hand supported his body, while the other disappeared into Qi Changying’s long hair, sometimes gently stroking it, sometimes tightly gripping the strands and refusing to let go. The bruised needle holes on the back of his hand were covered by the dark hair, appearing and disappearing faintly.
The ghost was very cold.
The sensation he brought was not quite the same.
His movements were also very unfamiliar, awkward and clumsy, and he kept using his canine teeth to scrape against Fu Sang painfully.
This made Fu Sang unable to help wondering what it would feel like if they did a little more.
Unfortunately, ghosts did not have this ability. Their state was fixed at the moment of death and could not change. They could not even take off their clothes, much less think about anything else.
After a long time, he frowned slightly, raised his chin, and his Adam’s apple rolled restlessly.
He drew a deep breath of smoke into his lungs, briefly experiencing the pleasure brought by nicotine, then exhaled it all, letting the waste of dopamine disperse into the air.
Qi Changying raised his head and had just coughed twice from choking on the smoke when Fu Sang pulled him over to kiss him.
Fu Sang fell onto the bed and, as a reward, rubbed the back of his neck while kissing him, tasting his own flavor in Qi Changying’s mouth.
Qi Changying struggled and refused, and Fu Sang did not force him. Seeing that he was unwilling, he released his hand.
Qi Changying immediately turned his head away and coughed muffledly, his voice very hoarse.
“…Enough.”
Before he could finish speaking, he turned into wisps of smoke in Fu Sang’s hand and returned to the Snake Bone Nail.
Fu Sang grabbed at empty air. He narrowed his eyes slightly as he looked at his hand, then slowly curled his fingers and lowered his hand to straighten his own pants.
Actually, it was not that pleasurable.
But this was what he wanted.
Fu Sang sank into the soft surface of the blanket and curved his lips into a smile.
He turned over onto his side, curled up, and tightly gripped the fabric over his chest. The dull pain there made it almost impossible for him to breathe. Besides that, there was an even deeper discomfort at work.
When he really could not endure it anymore, he curled up his legs and began to dry-heave uncontrollably.
His stomach spasmed again and again, but he had not eaten anything and could not vomit anything out. He could only endure everything forcibly until his body slowly recovered on its own, then raise his hand and wipe away the physiological tears.
He hated everything that caused him pain so deeply.
Qi Changying was the source of all this pain.
He hated Qi Changying, so he also had to make Qi Changying possess this hatred to the same degree. Only then was it fair.
This was right.
They would torment each other like this until the moment one side completely died.
This was right.
Seeing Qi Changying suffer and be in pain made him very happy.
This was what he wanted.
He wanted to be hated this deeply.
Fu Sang lay there curled up, looking like a cold corpse.
In a daze, he seemed to have returned to many years ago.
Back then, he would often lie like this on the bed too. Because there were heavy iron chains attached to his ankles, his range of movement was limited. With really nothing else to do, he would lie on the bed and look at the little bit of light leaking through a hole in the thick curtains.
Why had he been locked up back then?
It seemed that one winter, a child from the Zhuge family had pushed him into a lake and even used a stick to poke at him and prevent him from reaching the shore. He had swallowed several mouthfuls of icy water. After climbing out of the lake, he had placed a very vicious curse on that child. As far as he remembered, it was no gentler than Wuchang Judgment.
At the time, his master Zhuge Lin had asked him to lift the curse. He refused, so Zhuge Lin locked him up and never let him come into contact with anyone else again.
Unfortunately, that child still did not die in the end. Several old men and old women from the Zhuge family had sat together and worked for three days and three nights before forcibly undoing the curse and saving his life.
After that, he was chained inside the room and never went outside again.
So, before he was twelve, he did not even really know that the world changed through the four seasons, or that wind and rain came from the sky. He only knew that the light behind the hole in the curtains became bright and dim at different times, and that Zhuge Lin, who brought him food and water, was sometimes dressed lightly and sometimes wrapped up very thickly.
Zhuge Lin treated him terribly. By now, many of those memories had faded, and he could only remember the words Zhuge Lin repeated to him most often…
-Do you hate me? It’s right to hate.
He really did hate Zhuge Lin.
He hated him so much that one day he would peel his skin, draw out his tendons, strip away his flesh, break his bones, and add every curse he was capable of giving him, making him unable to escape the fate of dying miserably for all eternity.
So he thought that perhaps he should also get a house like this, lock Qi Changying inside it, and make himself the only person Qi Changying could come into contact with from then on. Then he could ask him again and again, “Do you hate me? It’s right to hate.”
That way, Qi Changying would probably be able to hate him just as he hated Zhuge Lin.
Hate him so much that no one could replace him.
Hate everything and everyone related to him.
After closing his eyes and resting for a while, Fu Sang climbed out of bed, found the Snake Bone Nail, and tied the Ghost Blood Whip back onto it.
Afterward, he tossed the long nail aside, took a folding knife from his coat pocket, and entered the bathroom.
The sound of the water in the bathroom continued for a long time, from afternoon until evening, and then until the sky was completely dark.
Fu Sang spent a long time washing all the blood inside away. Afterward, he dried his hair until it was half-dry, then curled back up on the bed with a pale face and did not move again.
The curtains in the room were closed, and the lights were not turned on. Only a little warm light came through the frosted glass behind the bathroom.
Fu Sang’s phone rang several times. The caller ID showed Huo Wei. After calling several times without anyone answering, she stopped calling and came directly to knock on the door.
But no matter how loud the door was knocked on, the person inside the blanket still did not move.
It was only when it sounded as if the door was about to be kicked apart by the person outside that the Snake Bone Nail Fu Sang had placed at the head of the bed moved very slightly.
Faint smoke dispersed from the long nail wrapped in the Ghost Blood Whip and drifted behind the door, gently opening it.
There was still a security chain on the door. Qi Changying could not open it, so he stood behind that tiny gap and looked at Huo Wei outside.
“Young General? How come it’s you?” Huo Wei was taken aback. “Where’s San You?”
Qi Changying raised a hand and made a gesture for silence, signaling Huo Wei to lower her voice. “He fell asleep. Is something wrong?”
“Oh, I saw that he hadn’t made a sound all afternoon, so I was worried something had happened to him… Is he okay? Does he want dinner?” Huo Wei asked.
“He probably won’t eat.” Qi Changying lowered his eyes.
“He’s fine, don’t worry. I’ll keep an eye on him. If I need anything, I’ll find you.”
“Okay… Mainly because he just came out of the hospital. Acute heart failure sounds pretty scary, and he doesn’t pay much attention to his own health. I was afraid he’d quietly die in there… Ah, anyway, it’s good that you’re here.” Huo Wei was really afraid that Fu Sang had secretly died in the room. If this door hadn’t opened, she was ready to go downstairs and look for the front desk. Fortunately, it had only been a false alarm.
Huo Wei breathed a sigh of relief, looked at Qi Changying, and asked again:
“Hey, didn’t San You say he was going to seal you away? Are you two on good terms again? Did he let you out?”
Qi Changying forced a smile but said nothing.
“He’s just like that. Sunny for a while and rainy for a while, and his mouth is nasty too. He never lets anyone off. He’s always been like this. When I first met him when we were kids, he was even worse than he is now. It was only after he had more contact with people over these years that he slowly got a little better.
“Mm… Anyway, his heart isn’t bad. Although his mouth is bad, he knows who genuinely treats him well. He doesn’t say it, but when something happens, he really steps up. Look at last time, when Buhuo and I were trapped in that village in Yongfu, didn’t he immediately rush over to save us?”
Having finally caught an opportunity to talk to Qi Changying alone without Fu Sang around, Huo Wei hurriedly got everything she wanted to say out:
“Also, he’s a very proud person. If something’s wrong, he won’t tell you directly, and you can’t get anything out of him even if you ask. It’s really frustrating. I’ve been getting along with him for so many years and still haven’t figured out a way to deal with it. There’s really nothing I can do. So, if he inexplicably loses his temper at you, please bear with him. If you really can’t stand it, just avoid him. Once he changes his style of play, jumps off a building, and calms down by himself, it’ll be fine.”
“Anyway… if you think he’s gone too far, please don’t resent him too much. He’s just like this. Actually, you can’t blame him entirely either. It’s just that when he was little, that bad old man locked him in a little dark room for seven years and raised him wrong. After he was released back then, he couldn’t think things through for a while and almost died. It took me so much effort to coax him back bit by bit, slowly socialize him, and watch over him as I raised him this whole way. It’s really…”
“I understand.”
Qi Changying gently interrupted her and sighed slightly, as if he were utterly exhausted.
“…I just don’t know what I should do to make him happy.”
Since meeting Qi Changying, Huo Wei had never seen him this sad and exhausted.
Her instincts told her that something had definitely gone wrong between this person and this ghost, but as for exactly what kind of problem it was… she could not bring herself to ask.
So she could only hastily end the topic and find an excuse to go downstairs to eat.
Qi Changying closed the door and slowly walked back to Fu Sang’s bedside.
Half of Fu Sang’s face was hidden in the blanket. He might really have been asleep, or he might have lost consciousness from excessive blood loss. In any case, he was not sleeping peacefully. His brows were tightly furrowed, and half of one arm was exposed from beneath the blanket. Not a single patch of visible skin was smooth and intact; it was covered in crisscrossing scars.
Qi Changying reached out, wanting to touch him, but in the end, he did not.
He withdrew his hand with a slight tremble and could only clench the corner of Fu Sang’s blanket.
“Does it hurt?”
Qi Changying’s voice was very soft, so soft that almost only he himself could hear it.
He lowered his eyes, and tears fell, blurring his vision.
Fu Sang could always hurt him so easily.
He had barely cried when he was alive. Who could have thought that his tears would run dry a thousand years after his death?
He did not know what he should do for it to be right, did not know what he could do to make him happy, and did not know what he could do to make him feel a little better.
He also did not know what he could do so that he would not hear heartbreaking words, so that he would not continue to be hurt over and over again.
Perhaps his existence, and their meeting itself, were a mistake. Perhaps Fu Sang simply did not need him, which was why his existence was so abrupt, making Fu Sang unable to accept it and causing him pain.
Qi Changying sat on the floor beside the bed and slowly lowered his head, burying his face in the crook of his arms.
“Fu Sang,
“It hurts…so much.”
Author’s Note: The main reason someone’s underlying code malfunctioned is:
Doesn’t need love – feels love – resists – believes love doesn’t completely belong to him – doesn’t want it anymore – can’t kill it nor let it go – struggles – goes crazy
Don’t understand love – starts liking someone – falls in love – resists – doesn’t know how to love – refuses to admit it – resists to the extreme – wants to throw it away – can’t throw it away – struggles – goes crazy
Originally, he could use a set of buggy programs to run smoothly and live well in his own way while maintaining logical consistency, but love appeared. To him, this was a virus capable of making the entire system crash.
The way to activate the firewall was to attack indiscriminately and eliminate the source.
Even if it meant emptying himself out, he had to erase every trace of the virus’s existence.
